A show filled with terrible dialogue and clichés, “Eastwick” is a bad mix of “Desperate Housewives” meets “Charmed.” The show focuses on three witches: Roxie Torcoletti (Rebecca Romijn), Joanna Frankel (Lindsay Price), and Kat Gardener (Jamie Ray Newman). Roxie is the late-30s, fun, exciting, free spirit, who also happens to have a 15 year old daughter named Mia, who’s the exact opposite. Kat is the young, more responsible mother, she has five kids, and is married to her husband Raymond (Jon Bernthal), though they are not without their marital problems. And Joanna (Lindsay Price) is the shy, book smart reporter, who has her hair in a bun and wears glasses. There’s also her judgmental friend Penny (Sara Rue), who by the end of the pilot, eventually grows to resent Penny’s newfound friendship with Kat and Roxie. And what brings these three witches together? They each find a coin and end up throwing it into a fountain at the same time (they collide in midair and fall into the water, which is then followed by a mysterious wind that blows their hair around).
Then they each start getting magical powers: Roxie can see the future, Joanna can control people’s thoughts, and Kat can say something and literally have it happen. The pilot is also over narrated by an older woman, Bun (Veronica Cartwright), who doesn’t die after a severe “red ant” attack, but ends up going into a coma. And of course, there’s
Darryl (Paul Gross), the mysterious stranger who comes to town, to stir up trouble. And this happens as Roxie tells the other girls that she wishes “I could meet someone who really got me, you know? Someone dark and dangerous and exciting. Who moves here in a cloud f scandal, and everywhere he goes, he stirs up sex, and trouble…”
And like that scene, and many others, I found myself rolling my eyes. Kat’s husband, Raymond, has a few events happen to him, one including an earthquake and the other lightning, but he quickly suspects that his wife is a witch and that she caused them to happen (which she did, but would a rational person immediately jump to the conclusion that it
must have been witchcraft?). Earlier Raymond even goes on to say “It’s your new friends. They did something to you. Put some kind of… spell on you.” There’s even a scene when the three women decide to play in the water fountain (due to some sort of intoxicating “water” they were drinking), and they make complete fools of themselves, as it came off
more stupid than charming
This is only a script review, but the previews that ABC showed didn’t make the final product seem any better. Also, I have never seen the original, “The Witches of Eastwick,” in full, only scenes here and there. But even when I watched that, I didn’t think it was bad. “Eastwick” is airing at 10pm, after four new ABC comedies. It’s somewhat odd placing, but I guess the network feels that a light hearted dramedy like this may work. But even with an interesting cast,
this show has no magic (and that may sound cheesy, but that’s what this show is).