Massive Riots Break Out Through Out Nation Over Loss Of TV Signal

Nick C reporting here on what you can’t find anywhere else.  It appears the switch to Digital has caused the society’s trash to rebel.  They first started swarming minor TV market’s television stations where this zombie like attack destroyed the news vans (thus why CNN, etc. aren’t reporting it), and ate their local news cast in a show of defiance.

“They came from the woods.  We knew there was something wrong right around the time that REGIS & KELLY was airing.  We couldn’t hear any birds outside.  There was this eerie silence and then they came.  It was horrible.  Cars overturned, people stampeded, (nope not going with cattle raped, don’t want to get sued by Mel Brooks) and then the CBS News Van was just destroyed.  I heard the screams of the camera man. I guess they really wanted to hear Denzel and Kelly make fun of Regis.”  This was the account of Joe Bob Smith the local diner owner.

We did get a picture:


This is what the locals are referring to as “The TV Brain Dead,” and what the attack looked like.  All we can ascertain at this moment is that TV viewers who had watched too much TV had become a zombie like brain dead creature and when the digital switch happened they weren’t prepared.  When deprived of their TV the destruction was inevitable.  Reports of these bizarre incidents have been coming in to my cell phone for hours.  When more news on this subject breaks, we’ll update!


9 responses to “Massive Riots Break Out Through Out Nation Over Loss Of TV Signal

  1. Your cell phone still works? You must have a satellite phone. The chaos is sure to knock out (if it hasn’t already) all cell phone use within the day as the zombies attempt to use the cell towers to get signal to their TV’s.

  2. Some guy named John

    Intellegent and prepared people who knew the switch was coming, look out for neighbors asking to watch your TV. They are easily scared and may possibly think this is a terrorist attack as they have not been able to watch Today’s Matt Lauer and Al Roker tell them everything is fine. They can be identified by their obese size, the wearing of a snuggie, and pale complection. Proceed with caution.

  3. If they’re wearing a snuggie you should barricade the door.

  4. If only I could photo shop a snuggie onto the zombie in the picture…

  5. OMG, I thought zombies were bad but if I hear that snuggie wearers are on the loose I might head to the basement

  6. John T Folden, don’t go in a basement. Go upstairs and then destroy the stairs. Snuggie wearers aren’t good climbers due to the Snuggie. Just take a ladder with you. You’ll be safe.

  7. Oh good point! Maybe I’ll tack some velcro to the front porch before I head upstairs, too! That should slow them down even more…

  8. hahaha…velcro, nice. I think I saw that on Most Extreme Elimination Challenge once.

    Oh and maybe flood the first floor with water too, that’ll soak into the Snuggie and weigh them down.